To My Dearest Aria: Letters About Life

June 4, 2018

My dearest Aria,

Although you are only a year and a half, when I look into your pure, youthful eyes I have so many things I want to tell you. Teach you. I want to plant seeds of wisdom in your heart to prevent you from unnecessary pain. I want to inspire you to do good onto others. Given every day is a gift, and I never know how long I’m meant to be on this Earth with you, I wanted to write you a letter so you will always have my words, if ever you can’t have my warmth. 

I’ve learned so much in the fleeting 30 years I’ve roamed this world. I’ve said hurtful things to others, I’ve lied, I’ve loved passionately, I’ve changed career paths a dozen times, I’ve lived out of my car, I’ve ditched schoolwork to travel to Europe on a whim, I’ve held grudges, I’ve forgiven, I’ve picked love over adventure, and I’ve picked adventure over love. Among the inevitable up’s and down’s, I’ve learned so much about purpose, presence, character, acceptance, and grace. If such insight can prevent you from having to suffer a few less heartaches in your beautifully messy life, it’s worth it.

As your mama, I promise to work hard not to control your future. To let you be free, make your own decisions, and learn from your mistakes. I promise to give you the independence you need to grow. If you want to become a doctor, great. If you want to surpass college and become a dancer, I’ll be at every try out and recital. If you want to travel the world, I’ll only be a plane ride away. If you change your mind a hundred times I promise my love and support will never waver. If you fail, I promise to be there to build you up so you are stronger and more confident the next time around. I promise to admit when I am wrong so that you know I do not expect perfection, and can in turn give yourself permission for the same. I promise to try my hardest not to let my own wounds or agendas interfere with parenting, so that your journey is truly yours. 

A LETTER ABOUT LOVE

Love fiercely. Love everyone until they give you a darn good reason not to. Love others for what they are and what they are not. Open your heart to all walks of life. Be compassionate. Be humble. Stand up for the kid being bullied. Befriend an outsider. Sit with the “weird” kids at lunch. Get to know them—I bet they aren’t so bad after all. In fact, they might even be your soulmates. Say hi to the shy girl in class. Help out the new kid who embarrassingly dropped his lunch in front of the entire cafeteria. You never know what anyone might be going through at any given moment, so seize the opportunity to make someone’s day. Offer strength to the weak and vulnerable. Have empathy for the world. Look for the beauty in all things. Follow your heart. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a male or female or something in between. I support you no matter what. Love is love. Never stay with someone not worthy of your time for too long. Marry someone who takes care of your heart above their own most of the time. Marry someone who isn’t afraid to laugh, cry, or love hard. Marry someone you want instead of someone you need. Set the bar high, but simultaneously have realistic expectations. We are all human and make mistakes. Be patient. Apologize. Don’t run from problems. Fight fair. Say kind things. Never settle no matter how old you are. Be vulnerable with your words and emotions. Show appreciation, especially for the small things. No matter how angry you feel, choose your words carefully because you can never take them back. Choose to speak with poise and respect. You are going to break many hearts and your heart will be broken many times. You are strong. Put your heart back out there because the next person you meet may be the one who deserves your love the most. 

A LETTER ABOUT PEOPLE

We live in a world with a lot of greatness. Great people. Great ideas. But the bad people are the ones who make the news, so it seems just the opposite. Respect others no matter what. Respect yourself no matter what. Don’t compare to others, period. Being popular isn’t all glitter and rainbows. In fact, it won’t do much for you past high school. Don’t fall victim to keeping up with the latest clothing trends, waist sizes, or make-up tutorials. There is so much more to life than trying to emulate an unrealistic representation of a Hollywood Star. You don’t want to be anyone but you. You define you, nobody else defines you—unless you give them the power to. Don’t be too proud to ask for help when you can’t do it by yourself. Don’t take people for granted. Try not to judge others—We have enough judgement in this world as it is. Life isn’t fair at times. Don’t hold onto anger or grudges–These things only hurt you. You are responsible for your life and your feelings, in fact, my favorite Elenor Rosevelt quote is “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Never forget this. Accept that we can’t change people. Never offer unsolicited advice. A lot of people in your life will try to project their own junk onto you. Don’t absorb it. It’s theirs, not yours. Protect your body for the precious sanctuary that it is. It belongs to nobody but you. Have boundaries with those who make you feel bad about yourself or bring others down behind their back. Friends or family… no one is immune. You may find friends are more loyal than family. Fire your friends. Fire your family. Be picky. Only make room in your heart for those who fill your soul. Not those who try to steal it or change it. Brighten this world with your smile, even on the most dreary days. 

A LETTER ABOUT CHARACTER

Have humility. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at life. Live intentionally. Dance your heart out. Don’t be afraid to take risks. Find happiness within. Be spontaneous. Be free. Be still. Create yourself. Be true to yourself above everything else. Don’t be afraid of struggle. Don’t be afraid to explore or seek adventure. All great heroes have scars. Always be aware of your surroundings; people do selfish things at the expense of others. Be assertive. Make informed decisions. Don’t follow anything blindly. Do your own research. You are never a victim of your circumstance—There’s always something in your control. Sing at the top of your lungs. Be fearless. Be strong. Stand up for what you believe in. Fight for what you want. Speak up when things are wrong. Society plays by an old rule book so make your own rule book. Be different and be proud to be different. Others may try to socialize you to be the stereotypical cooperative and quiet female who puts everyone else’s needs before her own—Don’t buy into it. Society is rarely right about anything. Be the exception to the rule. Never be the rule. Don’t be like everyone else. Follow your intuition. Be honest with yourself and others no matter what. Logic and hard work will get you further than grades and test scores. Keep your word when you make promises or plans. Be dependable. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Your character is your compass. Dream big. Never lose hope. Never give up. If you ever feel unloved, just remember, I have never loved anything more deeply and unconditionally in my entire life than you. And that will never change. No matter where I am.

XOXO